How to Give Feedback to a Defensive Coworker

How to Give Feedback to a Defensive Coworker Its elend uncommon to run into challenging moments or struggles with your colleagues. Thats what happens when human beings get together. And sometimes, no matter how much you may try to avoid it, you need to have a difficult conversation with someone. And you cant really predict how that person will respond to it. Some people are very receptive to feedback one day and less so the next. But dont worry. Theres no need to cut your losses and make a run for it. You can platzdeckchen yourself (andthat person) up for success when facing what could be interpreted as a tough feedback conversation. Lets think through the how below. 1. Remember the real goal.When you inevitably sit down to have a tricky conversation with someone, it can feel icky...for both of you. But, a crucial concept to remember is to stay in touch with why you are doing it. You are giving this feedback with the intentof making this person better, or to inform them of something they are doing that is negatively impacting their growth, their interactions with the team, etc. You are having this conversation not because you love to stress people out or giving bad news, but because you are hoping to shed light on something they may not be aware of that when addressed will allow them to evolve. Your end game is to improve the situation for them as much as the rest of the team. If youre coming from a place of truly wanting to help, it makes things easier. 2. Environment counts. You want to be as thoughtful as possible about not only how you are delivering this information, but also whereand when. If you know the person youre speaking to has a major deadline tomorrow and is stressed beyond belief, now may not be the best time to address any challenges you might be having with them. If someone on your team had an awful client meeting, in the car on the drive home together might not be the time to address it. Guess what? Chances are they know it didnt go well and n eed time to get into a better headspace to think clearly. Where you choose to have this conversation also matters. If youre in an open office, its not cool to address something that could have someones back up out in the open. Seek out a quiet space or head to the park or a local coffee shop. You want this person to feel free to be able to react as they need to in the moment and not worry about colleagues overhearing. Taking some time to think through the drehort and timing will make matters much easier. 3. Choose your words wisely. When youre speaking with someone about a behavior that theyre exhibiting that either upsets you or the team, be mindful of the words youre using. Hearing, Mary, you take too long on your piece of the project and its frustrating to everyone else is different than Mary, can you tell me a little mora about your process? Were running into challenges with limited time at the end of projects and are investigating what might be going on. If Im Mary, option two feels much better than being told Im the problem off the bat without being listened to at all. You dont really know what youll uncover by starting out the conversation in a way that makes your colleague a part of finding the solution to challenges instead of the person at the root of it all. Starting statements with you tends to put people on the defensive and unwilling to listen to what comes next. Choose your words carefully in the hopes that you can discuss like adults and get to a solution that benefits everyone involved. 4. Remember the good times. If someone only hears from you when youve got constructive feedback, youre doing something wrong. Positively reinforcing and appreciating someones outstanding behavior leaves them feeling way more willing to hear and take action on any other pieces of feedback you might have for them. Give them shout outs when theyve earned it. Make it known that you recognize their awesomeness. If its all doom and gloom any time you ask to speak to them, its no wonder they arent looking forward to conversations with you..Giving feedback is rarely cut and dry. There is no one formula or solution. People are different and what works for one person, may not work for another. However, if you take the time to be thoughtful about the why and the how, all you can do is hope that the person receives the feedback in the spirit in which its being given. The only guarantee if you remain silent is that nothing will change. Be brave enough to have a conversation that could make a difference--Kelly is a www.kellypoulson.com.